terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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