She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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