Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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