I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
