Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
