My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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