I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You ate ashes out of my bong
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
