Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
