I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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