the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
