we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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