I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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