best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
