you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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