I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
