Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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