My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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