Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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