Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
