I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
