I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
