My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
