I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
