you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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