bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
