So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
