I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
