I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
