They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
