nut hugger
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
