Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
