Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
