Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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