i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
