i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
