So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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