guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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