You're my little dorito
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
