I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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