Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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