I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
