Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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