Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
