Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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