i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
