Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
