i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
