I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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