If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
