I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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