saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
two words: eviction party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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