I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
