is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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