i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize