You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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