In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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