Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
