We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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