"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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