My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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