I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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