thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
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