I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
