I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
