Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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