I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
