Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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