And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
