Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
