The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
