we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
