She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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