My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
