so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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