Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
