there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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