Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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